I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
