Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
