when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize