In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
