from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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