It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
