Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Congratulations! We have a period
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