you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
