i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
