Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
