I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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