I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
