I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
