So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
