remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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