Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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