The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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