Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
