im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
