Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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