I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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