can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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