You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
this is an emotional support booty call
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
