Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
