I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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