I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
