you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
