Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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