you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
