Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
