I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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