Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
