I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize