You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
