If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
