If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
