hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
