I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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