FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
