Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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