Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
