How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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