my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.