he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick