Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast