16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet