he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.