i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.