So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
