If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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