I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
