dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
