woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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