Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
