She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
