The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Congratulations! We have a period
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