Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
