was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
