mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
