The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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