I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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