it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
