Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
