She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
