I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
