it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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