I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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