haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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