Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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