I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
false alarm, still single
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