nut hugger
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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