dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
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I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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