when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
