Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
