dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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