i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
