someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
